Patni-dharma

The four major principles prescribed in Srimad Bhagavatam for married women are as follows.

"To render service to the husband, to be always favourably disposed toward the husband, to be equally well disposed toward the husband's relatives and friends, and to follow the vows of the husband, these are the four principles to be followed by women described as chaste." (Srimad Bhagavatam 7.11.25).

1."To render service to the husband." Loving relationships are nourished by service. "The wife is dependent on the husband and if the husband is a Vaisnava, then naturally she shares the devotional service of the husband because she renders him service. This reciprocation of service and love between husband and wife is the ideal of a householder's life." (Srimad Bhagavatam 3.23.1 Bhaktivedanta purport). The Supreme Personality of Godhead is even more pleased by service rendered to His devotees than service rendered directly to Himself.

2."To be always favourably disposed toward the husband." A chaste wife always treats her husband with affection, appreciation, loyalty and respect. By this mood she conquers his heart.

3."To be equally well-disposed toward the husband's relatives and friends." Marriage is the beginning of a pivotal relationship, which connects with many other relationships. A supportive wife accepts her husband's relatives and friends as her own relatives and friends, and treats them with due respect and affection.

4."To follow the vows of the husband." For example, ISKCON devotees take vows at the time of initiation to chant sixteen rounds daily of the Hare Krishna mantra and to follow four regulative principles, which are no meat-eating, no gambling, no intoxication, and no illicit sex. They also fast from grains on ekadasi, which occurs twice in a lunar month, and they observe fasting on special days, such as the appearance days of the Lord. A faithful wife respects and supports her husband by following the same vows that he is following.

Women have the power to protect their marriages simply by following the above-mentioned principles of chastity. "By staying chaste and faithful to her husband, a woman enriches herself with supernatural power." (Srimad Bhagavatam 9.10.27 Bhaktivedanta Purport).The combination of a protective husband and a chaste wife is the ancient formula for a successful marriage.

For women to accept a subordinate role in the marital relationship is customary in every cultural tradition of the civilised world. This does not mean that women are somehow inferior to men. As spirit souls we are all equal in the eyes of God. However, according to the bodies and minds we are temporarily connected with, there are natural roles for both women and men. For men it is natural to lead, protect, and provide for their loved ones. For women it is natural to serve, nurture, and comfort. While we are all unique individuals, these natural tendencies are a part of our make-up. Varnashram dharma means engaging our natural tendencies in a religious way for mutual spiritual advancement. To artificially deny or subvert these tendencies can have a destabilising effect on marriage and family life. Women who are willing to accept a subordinate role can easily conquer their husbands by humility and affection, whereas those who engage in power struggles are always at war.

"O Vidura, Devahuti served her husband with intimacy and great respect, with control of the senses, with love and with sweet words. Working sanely and diligently, she pleased her very powerful husband, giving up all lust, pride, envy, greed, sinful activities and vanity." (Srimad Bhagavatam 3.23.2-3).

This description identifies the major enemies that attack us from within and pit us against one another, i.e. lust, pride, envy, greed, sinful activities and vanity. By learning to subdue these enemies within ourselves, we become happy and peaceful in our marriage relationships, and indeed in all of our relationships. These enemies can gradually be subdued by spiritual practices, such as chanting the holy names of the Lord.

"In everyday life, our relationships with one another are practice for the divine relationships we will eventually experience. The quality of our interactions indicates how well we are preparing ourselves for association with the Supreme Lord."(Spiritual Warrior II p 49 Bhaktitirtha Swami)

"Artwork courtesy of The Bhaktivedanta Book Trust International, Inc.
www.krishna.com. Used with permission."